A Memorable Date

No one will probably believe this, but it is a true story.  I have taken time to “highlight” some of the red flags on my date.  In other words, reasons I should have ended the date immediately.

I met this frat guy in college and he asked me out on a date to the Nebraska State Fair.  (The frat guy thing in and of itself may have not been the problem, but he had an “I Phelta Thi” t-shirt on when he picked me up.)

We left my dorm and walked down the street to his fraternity.  He probably wanted to show me his stereo or something, I can’t really remember.  I met a few of his buddies and we went up to his room.  There, he introduced me to his pet tarantula Chlamydia, by setting the spider on my bare arm.  (Words cannot express the shear anger/horror/panic I experienced at that moment.)

After threatening to fling the giant spider against the wall, he removed it and we headed to the fair. 

First thing, we were hungry.  I bought a funnel cake because they are awesome and he bought a sautéed onion, mushroom, and sausage foot long.  (Yeah….and then he needed a piece of gum, and when I offered him some of mine, he declined.)

Next…..a few carnival games in which he didn’t win anything for me.  I forgave him for that until he pushed me up to the game where they GUESS YOUR WEIGHT.  Ha ha ha.  That’s was funny.  The carnie guessed my weight was 142 pounds and when I stepped on the scale in front of about 500 people, I only weighed 109.  (So, now I felt like I looked like a cow walking around the fair.  Why he didn’t just take me to the cattle judging barn right then and there, I will never know.)

At this point, I was really not very into this guy but he asked me if I would like to ride the Ferris wheel.  I told him I didn’t really want to because I had never ridden one before.  He promised that it would be fine and bought two tickets to what he thought would be, “a great view of Lincoln, Nebraska”. 

 So there we were, standing in line UNDER the Ferris wheel when suddenly, someone dumped what felt like a giant soda on top of my head.  I could feel my head getting wet and felt the liquid soaking the back of my t-shirt.   A guy in line behind us shouted,  “Holy #%$@! Someone just yacked all over that girl!”  It was at that moment I looked down and saw pink chunks on my arm.

I immediately started gagging.  I mean REALLY gagging.

And crying.

A girl grabbed me and led us to the cattle barn to rinse off with a hose.

About the only good thing that happened, was my date took off his t-shirt and let me wear it home.

So there we were…standing in front of my dorm room about to say goodbye with puke chunks in my hair, and he says, “Wow, so do I get a good night kiss?” and there was a big huge, white, puss filled, pimple in the corner of his mouth.  It was so big that I thought IT was the one asking for the kiss.

I just had to say…. “I am sorry.  I think this is a date that I will never forget, but I just can’t kiss you goodnight.”

We parted ways, but I did end up seeing him at a bar about six years later and he recognized me and said, “WOW! That was the WORST date ever!!!”

There you go Mama Kat…..that was my Memorable Date.